Tips for Resolving Conflict – Avoid The Biffo!

In work and play what most of us want to know is what to do about the boffin in the corner office who’s always ticking you off, how to excel in your current job when you’ve got a ‘personality clash’ with your boss, or what to do when disagreement is the standard at every meeting. Here’s some things to consider.

Conflict is a multi-lane highway

Conflict is a situation where two or more parties perceive another’s goals, values, interests or behaviour as
opposing to their own. So conflict not only involves the ‘facts’ but also the way we feel about the facts. Your opinion on a situation is one possible point of view and is neither right or wrong, it’s just one interpretation.

Conflict is normal and everywhere

You know the saying, ‘there’s always one in every group’ ie: there will often be someone in any given group
of people that will get on your nerves! Expecting otherwise is unlikely because we all come in different
shapes and sizes, and that means different styles of behaviour, communication and ways of thinking.

Conflict is not necessarily negative – it can mean danger or opportunity. Within any office there’s usually a common desire to keep things running smoothly, so there’s a temptation to avoid or ignore conflict. On the flip side, stifling conflict can cause stagnation. If you’re focused on innovation and continuously meeting the challenge of change and opportunity in a creative way, dealing with rather than avoiding conflict will help you get there by using conflict as a key to finding solutions for the future.

Conflict is not a contest

Often when we’re angry, disappointed or annoyed, we love being right, justifying our position, and claiming
a Rocky-esq victory unto our foe! Unfortunately, that’s probably not going to create a peaceful resolution,
or put an end to any underlying issues. Why do you think Rocky had so many sequels?

To use another clichéd management term, you’ve gotta create a ‘win win’. The idea of win/lose – where one
party wins and the other loses – will not make for a happy workplace! Conflict requires us to seek a
resolution that works for both people. Remember, you’ve got to work with this person.

Tips for Creating a Win/Win

* Avoid making personal attacks – you’ll heighten the conflict and muddy the issues.

* Get to the heart of it (minus the emotion) using phrases like ‘When you (describe the action ONLY)… I feel… because…’

* Involve the other person in creating a solution. Try: ‘Here’s the problem as I see it. How do you see it?
What do you think we could do about it?’ Then listen to their ideas!

* If the methods you use to resolve conflict aren’t working, don’t keep spinning your tyres, find a
new approach.

* Make common courtesy and grace a personal value. Good manners are a mark of respect and
professionalism, and are genuine conflict-melters.